Dear Two Lines:
Seems just yesterday you were one line. And when you first became two lines, you were so faint, that we tested and re-tested just to be sure you were you. Six tests later, your father stopped laughing at all the money I was throwing at pregnancy tests. (“Hey, let’s try this one, it’s digital! Now this one, it has a plus/minus sign!”)
But I didn’t feel pregnant yet (in contrast to when I was pregnant with your brother when I was sick for what seemed to be the entire first trimester). So, I carried you around in my pocket or my purse, my own little two-line secret. I would take you out and look at you in all your glory when no one was looking. Could it really be?
And that's the first time I said that -- "your brother." It dumbfounds me. How can I/we handle two? My biggest fear. Every mother I know tells me that there is instant room in her heart for the second, third, and so on. I believe that will be so for me too, but it's on blind faith.
I vowed that this journey would different from my first pregnancy. I would stay more active, gain less weight, eat fewer peanut M&Ms, fewer powdered sugar donuts, and less buffalo chicken wings. Ymmm, buffalo chicken wings. That was, of course, until the nausea kicked in. Now, stay out of my way if I'm hungry. I mean it. Zero to sixty, low blood sugar crabbiness set in probably 15 minutes ago. I have had a grilled cheese with french fries almost every day for at least three weeks now.
Oh, how I've yearned to kvetch on this here blog about the extreme fatigue that plagues me as if I was the first and only woman to have it. How I've yearned to mention that I've lost all interest in things I formerly cherished -- from lattes to seltzer to paying bills on time. I lay in bed at night marveling at those women you read about in People magazine who don't realize they are pregnant until they go until labor. How? How? HOW? I don't get it. And why not me?
And here I have started to spell out the word "N-U-T." (I'm not kidding myself, I know I'm almost there.)
Let the worrying begin! Who am I kidding -- the worrying began some time ago. I am just now announcing it here. But, now that we have heard your little heart beat and even told your brother, we feel we explain my odd behavior to the rest of the world. See you in December!
And there you have it. The reason for the incredible drought in posting lately. See, even looking at a computer screen can now send me barfing (which makes work a bit, um, inconvenient). Besides, I'm usually in bed by 8:30pm and I can't really justify getting up just to blog and then NOT hanging out with my husband, can I?