From our labor and delivery nurse while trying to check my cervix for dilation/effacement:
"I can't reach. But, don't worry -- we'll get the nurse with long fingers."
From a post-partum recovery nurse:
"Not a hemorrhoid in sight!"
(Note from JCB: What a job those folks have.)
From a lactation consultant:
"You have pendulous breasts."
(Note from JCB: Pendulous? I'm pretty sure this was not a compliment.)
From same lactation consultant:
"You have flexible nipples."
From different lactation consultant:
"You have great breasts for breastfeeding."
(Cue to me -- beaming -- since I tried so hard to make them that way!?? Although it begs the question...WHY am I meeting with a lactation consultant?)
Zander (referring to Cassie's umbilical cord stump):
"I don't like her cord."
Zander (to me while simultaneously moving a few feet away during bedtime book reading):
"You smell like my baby's poop."
(He refers to Cassie as his baby.)
And here's a picture of our little girl looking bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. It was probably 4:00am at the time, but who is paying attention: